Two Tired to Ride a Bike

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By Dick Frank

Today is National Bike to Work Day, right in the middle of National Bike to Work Week. Even if you are retired get out on a bicycle. If you don’t have one you can rent from a bicycle shop on the greenway and enjoy paved and dirt trials away from all the traffic and noise. If you can’t bicycle anymore, just ride down Pun Alley for a little humor.

Up and down

Panting and perspiring, two blondes on a tandem bicycle at last got to the top of a hill. “That was a steep climb,” said the first blonde. It certainly was,” replied the second. “It’s a good thing I kept the brake on so we wouldn’t have slid down backward.”

On the other side of the hill they were speeding down a twisting road when along came a man driving very slowly uphill toward them, honking his horn and shouting. “PIG! PIG!!”

The blondes shouted back some uncouth comments as they buzzed by. Still thinking about this awful man and his shouting, they went around a curve and promptly collided with a pig.

Not a bell ringer

A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the boy and asked, “Don’t you know how to ride a bike?”

“Yes,” he answered, “but I don’t know how to ring the bell yet.”

Nice work if you can get it

George Gershwin, vacationing on Daytona Beach with several colleagues, couldn’t decide whether to rehearse a composition or spend the afternoon cycling along the beach. “Which shall it be?” he asked his friends. “Do we get down to work, or do we bike up the strand?”

Short rides

The salesman in the bicycle store peddles the bikes.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Someone who makes bicycle wheels is a spokes person.

Two bicycles welded together are known as Siamese Schwinns.

“I’m talking to you,” said the mute bicycle repairman as he fixed the wheel and spoke.

Our bank manager can’t ride a bike any more because he lost his balance.

Freud had a bicycle as a child, and he often took it apart, as he was very interested in what made it work. This began his interest in cycle analysis.

The biker wanted more self-confidence. He hired a cycleologoist.

When my bike chain rusted, the rest of my bike started falling apart too. It was a chain reaction.

Face the music

I was robbing this CD store with some of my friends when the cops turned up. Dave grabbed all the pop CD’s and bicycled off. Steve grabbed the rock CD’s and also bicycled off. Dan grabbed the Jazz and followed suit. I was forced to take the rap.

A different collision

A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road and promptly got knocked flat by a passing bicycle rider. “You were really lucky there,” said the cyclist.

“What on earth are you talking about? That really hurt!” the pedestrian said, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.

“Well, usually I drive a SUV,” the cyclist replied.